For the last few years, I have been working hard to discover my religion, my beliefs and everything in between. I have dedicated entries to my beliefs in the past and have my religion mapped out in the section labeled for myself.

One thing I rarely mention is my spiritual, deeper side. I have to say, it’s all because of my dear best friend Heather that I have this side and I will be forever grateful.

I would give anything to have herbal medication take place of all the other medicines out there. I do take non-herbal medication, but I can’t avoid that. I have medical issues, and they need taken care of. It’s not something I can work around, sadly, but I wish that wasn’t the case.

I had a small bag containing teeny, tiny dolls that remained under my mattress until we moved things around and it ended up lost. That bag was given to me by a friend when she went on vacation. The dolls are meant to represent all the worries one has so, when you go to sleep, or even lie in bed your worries are in the sack and not your head.

Those are the types of things I strongly believe in.

I’m constantly finding signs, but I’m not looking for them–they just happen. I do believe in coincidences, but I believe that signs are out there as well of what to come.

One thing that always represented my ex-boyfriend to me was Nightmare Before Christmas–specifically Jack, as it was his favorite character. Mike is an amazing artist and, once, drew this totally amazing picture of him which has always stayed in my memories. Well, I went on a mini shopping spree and, at Borders, they happened to have just one Jack figure on clearance for $5 instead of $20. I bought it, as I’m a gigantic fan of the movie and love Jack to bits, all memories of my ex aside. Since then, various moments in my life keep going back to him and his family, specifically to his family and his mother. I didn’t think of my ex when I bought it. I was just excited to get something so nice in one of my fandoms. But today, it all came together and I discovered why I kept receiving all of these signs pointing to them: my mother told me that, last night, she was with my ex’s mother and she gave my mother (to give me) a disk of photos she found that she thought I’d like. His mother never thinks about me, according to my mother.

I don’t come up in conversation ever, she never asks about me, it was all very random that she would even think to do that, but it meant a lot. I look forward to discovering what else all of these signs have in store for me as I’m sure there is something.

But my spirituality…

Heather had posted on her private journal a link to this website that sells stones that are meant to boost life in various ways and teas as well. A lot of people think those are all a load of crap, but that’s far from me. As soon as I have the funds to drop, I’m going there and buying myself some tea to help my health and other aspects of my life that could use a healthy boost.

One of my goals, again this year, is to be more healthy. I’ve always said I wanted to go running or work out, but I never did it. This year, I will do that. We have a treadmill in our basement that’s really nice and I should be using it. I do still dance frequently around myself, which is a very good work out, especially cardio.

I want to eat more healthy and organic, eat more pasta, eat less junk (a path I started on last year :)) and keep my life “cleaner.” I know I can do it.

I cut caffeinated drinks out of my life cold turkey when I was just 10. Yes, I drink Mtn Dew now, and I drink a lot of it. However, on the flip side, I know that I couldn’t do everything that I do without its help, especially when I’m working, attending class and doing a play. But I don’t eat a lot of junk in other ways. I rarely eat candy. Matter of fact, it’s weird when we even have candy in this house as my mother doesn’t eat it either. We keep a pint of my favorite ice cream in the freezer, but it takes me almost until it expires to finish it, and I’m quite proud of that.

I drink a lot of tea (more in the summer than winter, actually) and do my best to live in a healthy atmosphere. I like believing in a clean life in terms of keeping toxins out of my body the best I can, I like that I enjoy spirituality…I’ve quite settled into this new version of myself the last year.

The cleaner Hannah. The Hannah that is a lot more free, and the Hannah that keeps her heart open to anyone wanting to enter.

I just hope that I can keep on this path. I’d really like to try incense, and other spiritual related items to help my life out. I only get a chance to live once, so I might as well do the best I know how to with it, right?

In case you’re wondering, DTB means “down to bonk.” Yes, it means exactly how it sounds and yes, I was actually sent that in a text message, as was Lauren.

Stupid story short, because I wouldn’t want to waste your time, a cute boy sent that to us, we found out what it meant (we didn’t know at the time), I told him off, Caleb text him and told him off. Then the guy said it was a joke and apologized to Lauren, but not me.

Then, there are these two guys in Bye Bye Birdie with me, both are cute, but only one is (I think) single. We’ll call guy with girlfriend, Peter, and most likely single guy Patrick. Idk. haha

See, Peter is a guy that I was immediately attracted to and could see myself with. However, he’s so immature some times that I kind of want to punch him. Which, if I were dating him, I would probably contemplate doing. But I don’t really care about him. He has a girlfriend, which he’s incredibly uncomfortable around, which tells me that he is totally not ready for a true relationship. And, sorry, but that’s not how I roll.

Ooh Patrick. Patrick is the latest boy. I thought he was super, super cute at auditions, but he didn’t seem like my type of guy. I typically go for the skinny white boy and he’s a white boy, but he’s built more like a football player. Not fat by any means, just bulky. He also tends to act like a pretty boy, but I have finding out more and more lately that he’s not that way and is really quite sweet, as well as quiet. However, he can be loud, which is what I’ve been looking for.

So I’ve been contemplating asking Patrick to see a movie with me. Not on a date, unless he wants that, but to get to know him (and because I would like to see either the Ugly Truth or Orphan with a dude). I say “most likely single” because I know he gets a ride to rehearsal from a girl in the cast, and they’re obviously good friends, but the way he said she’s my ride was like, “Yea. I hate that I can’t drive myself.” He actually said, “I’m trying to get myself a car so I can drive myself.” So… yea. That told me they probably weren’t dating. If they were, he’d probably want to ride with her or drive her. He said myself referring to driving only him.

But he’s cute. And I have to feel him out more.

It made me smile, though, because he came up to myself and my mother (she drove me today because she had errands to run out by the theatre) and was talking to us. Anyone that my mother likes is okay in my book, and he definitely made an impression on her. I know he’s friends with an old really good theatre friend of mine and knows or is friends with a lot of people I’m friends with from theatre as well.

I suppose we’ll see if this goes anywhere. He’s been hitting on me in a subtle way, which is greatly appreciated, and he’s made me laugh a lot. He’s definitely a quiet guy, and I love that. It’s kind of nice to be able to talk and have someone fully listen. And someone to make fun of people with jokingly.

It’s simply nice to see that there are good guys out there. My motto all my life has been, “There are other fish in the sea.” The door to my past relationship has long been closed and, as the other saying goes, other doors immediately opened. That, I am thankful for.

What do I look for in a dude?
- Allows me to play video games with or without him
- Appreciates theatre or supports that I do it
- Cares for me
- DRIVES. AH. I don’t care if he doesn’t have a car, but he has BETTER be willing to drive some times!
- Respects what I do

In all, someone that can handle my OCD, my creativity, my hyperactivity, slight bitchiness when I’m hormonal and someone that can simply love me for who I am, not what I can be. That’s someone my ex boyfriend did. “You should do your hair this color.” “You should learn how to do this.” “You should act like this.” I’m sorry, but I’m not conservative, especially in not how I dress, and my next boyfriend had better be okay with that. When I went out with my ex, I had to dress conservatively–preppy really. Without him? I could wear my tube socks and mini skirts, my bright colors and obnoxious bags and I was so much happier like that.

That’s one thing I know Patrick is totally cool with that. At the very least, I hope this dude becomes my good friend. I’d love to open up my circle.

Regarding my previous entry, I was really excited to see how many people I informed and all. I didn’t know much about carpal tunnel, otherwise I could have gotten my braces sooner and everything. I finally get to see a new doctor in a week and I’m beyond elated. My mother will be there with me to back me up and make sure this new guy checks me for allergies…everything. Yay for progress in my health!

Until later, lovelies!

If you didn’t already know, I have carpal tunnel. I have yet to be diagnosed by a doctor, but I’ve had multiple nurses, at this point, tell me this is what I have. I wear my two wrist braces almost every single day and sleep with them every night.

I swear that I have yet to go a week without someone having this conversation with me:
“Woah, what happened?”
“I have carpal tunnel.”
“Really?! You’re so young! That can’t be!”
“Well, it is!”
“How did you get it?”
“I’m a computer major. I type all day.”

It’s kind of amusing some times, but other times I’m like, “You already know I spend almost my entire day typing and I’ve told you before that I have carpal tunnel. o_O”

I’ve actually had this conversation with my buddy in Bye Bye Birdie, who I shall call Margie in case she finds this, twice or more now. She’s not exactly bright, but she’s really nice. I love her very much.

I thought I would dedicate this entry to explaining what it is, why I have it and what I do about it.

What is Carpal Tunnel?
I’m not a doctor, so I won’t get technical, but, basically, it’s a nerve issue. The Google dictionary thing describes it as so: “a passageway in the wrist through which nerves and the flexor muscles of the hands pass.” When you have carpal tunnel, that nerve (to speak generally) kind of flips out and your hand will “fall asleep” or ache.

How did you get it?
First off, it’s typically hereditary and my mother has it, but not nearly as bad as I do. I also got it (so to speak?) from typing with my wrists angled improperly. You’re supposed to try keeping them straight, which is what the braces I wear do.

How do you treat it?
As I mentioned before, I wear two wrist braces. They work absolute magic and I take them with me everywhere because my wrists don’t always just hurt when I’m typing. When the pain gets to be too much, I take Ibuprofen and I started taking Vitamin B Complex a week ago. Vitamin B helps your nervous system (I was recommended to take it by a guy who spends his days on a jackhammer, which is similar to carpal tunnel in many ways, actually), as well as your hair, eyes, nails, teeth…everything really. I was impressed with it when I read the back of the bottle! I can tell it’s helping because my wrists hardly ache at all and they only fall asleep maybe once every three days.

It’s funny that I say “fall asleep” because it doesn’t feel like when something falls asleep. It’s different. Like, instead of the tingly feeling, it’s more…numb. I don’t know if this is how it is for everyone, but I know Lauren’s mom said she experiences the same thing.

I’m finally going to see a new doctor* about it, as soon as mother can get a day off of work, and I am incredibly antsy. I know you can get surgery, but I’m hoping not to go that far until I have to, unless my father’s insurance covers it fully and the recovery time is very fast.

Think you have carpal tunnel? I recommend checking the web for a description and try wearing a wrist brace. I know the braces are totally necessary in my life now. Luckily for me, I managed to find ones built for a female, not only that, but a female my size. Plus, they’re kind of cute! Grey and white with pink details inside.

Hmm…I kind of miss writing about my life, but I’ve been enjoying rambling on about random things like this lately. I’m sure I’ll write something about my life soon though.

Now I’m off to work on more decks for my online Harry Potter TCG, Dumbledore’s Army.

I’ve actually been crazy in the mood to blog lately!

Note: I am unbelievably tired, but I really wanted to blog so, it probably won’t make much sense but, whatever.

Carpal Tunnel…yes…my new best friend. Not. After researching and researching and finally talking to someone with it, I’ve come to the conclusion that I have carpal tunnel in my left wrist. It’s painful a lot, if I don’t wear my brace almost all day, it makes my wrist smell after wearing the brace for two days…yea. It’s a total blast.

But in case anyone ever wonders if they have it, I felt I should explain how mine is. I was really freaking out when I had the sudden pain, so knowing that I said something about it means there’s a chance someone freaking out could find it and maybe get help sooner than I did.

Basically, all of a sudden, my wrist starting throbbing. The pain shot from the outside of my wrist to my pinkie. That continued for a little bit until it would randomly go numb, or asleep. Finally, I started wearing a brace and it cut everything down. So if your hand randomly goes numb, it’s more than likely carpal tunnel. It’s caused by repetitive movement. In my case, it’s a combination of things but, mostly, typing. My passion gives me pain. haha Ah well, it’s worth it.

Moving on, tomorrow is my final prom, and I’m anxious and excited and everything at the same time. I mean, I’m afraid of being uncomfortable as I’m not a student at the school any more, I’m afraid I’ll need to wear my brace, and that looks less than awesome when you’re totally dressed to the nines and all. It’s kind of hilarious though because, not only do I have natural pain in my left hand/wrist now from the carpal tunnel, but I got my nails like done yesterday making typing that much more difficult.

Overall, tomorrow and Saturday should be awesome. Mother got tomorrow off work, so we’re waking up at 10 and heading out to the mall to do a little last minute shopping for prom and the after prom party I’m hosting at my house. After, we’re going to lunch and rushing back home so I can do my hair and makeup. Lauren’s coming over some time in there and I’ll be, I believe, doing her hair and helping her with her makeup. Then we’re heading to Nic’s for pictures and such, and then to prom! I absolutely refuse to drive in heels and my dress, so someone else will be driving Mike and myself. No idea who though, but whatever.

After prom, everyone’s coming over to my house for food, video games (I’m guessing) and then spending the night! The best part is that we’re going on a picnic at this park the next day. I’m making pasta salad and sandwiches.

But yes, I’m very tired and still need to make a list of things I need to get tomorrow. So…

Until later lovelies! I’m sure there will be pictures.

Yes, I just quoted the Wizard of Oz, which is totally unlike me! I rarely bring up that show, mostly because I hate the movie and all anyone can ever think about is the movie. The musical is a different story. It’s fun, uplifting, and almost a challenge, vocally. But I’m not hear to talk about that.

“What a World, What a World,” is a phrase said by the Wicked Witch of the West while she’s melting. I’m using it to reference the massive amount of pain I have been in lately, both emotionally and physically.

A week from yesterday, Mike confessed he’s been having problems lately (how ironic that that was about the time I made all of those Mike entries, right? haha). Well, not even problems. More like, he doesn’t know where he wants this relationship to go. He’s graduating in about two months and is starting to realize that graduating can mean either letting our relationship stay where it is, kind of an in between of a real adult and high school relationship, or letting it progress to something really serious. Personally, I want a serious relationship, and I think he does too, but he just needs some time. That’s been emotionally injuring for me.

It’s meant seeing him like…10% of the time I used to, which, I know sounds unhealthy, but we’re best friends as well as lovers (bad word, think romantic connotation, I’m tired, my mind’s not thinking correctly). It’s depressing to not see someone that constantly makes you happy. But! On top of that…

Last Saturday, I was working on my homework when I noticed my left hand really starting to ache (the area around my pinky), like bad. Really bad. I kind of let it go and just decided to do my homework another time as I had another whole week to do it. Sunday, I tried again and it got worse, so I stopped. I figured I had just overworked it those days or something. Monday, I tried a final time and it got so bad I couldn’t do anything with it. The pain had spread and I just had a strong feeling it was something more.

I started to do a little research and discovered there was a great possibility that it could be carpal tunnel, which is the reason I’ve not blogged in a while. I’ve been in crazy pain. Tuesday I had work, which was interesting. It got a lot worse to the point where I couldn’t grab anything or really use my hand at all. I had to drive with only my right hand. I had a doctor’s appointment already to meet my new doctor and such. She turned out to be a bitch and totally ignored me trying to get help for my wrist. That night, I went to Lauren’s and asked her mother about carpal tunnel. The more details she told me, the more details I had that matched them.

Basically, I consider myself, right now, to have carpal tunnel minus being actually diagnosed. Tonight, my mother bought me a proper wrist brace (I had been using a right handed one flipped which did something to help, but not much) and it feels a lot better. Not like okay, but workable. I’m able to type a lot more and I can actually use it.

That’s been it with me. I’ve been really stressed with school and everything, but I think I only have five weeks left until break! WHOO! *dances* I’ve also been really busy with new websites I shall unveil once more are done. Well, I need to go to bed, or get something done, so I’m off!

Until later, lovelies!