Friendship Posted by Hannah on March 27th, 2010

I never really noticed this until today, but, up until right now, I haven’t gone out and made new friends in quite a few years. I am incredibly socially awkward in a lot of cases. I’m not the typical 19-year-old. I’m far from a typical college student.

I’m fairly against underage drinking. I’m not a fan of going out and getting high all the time. I will never pick up a cigarette and I worry about those that do. Granted, I would never EVER judge someone that does do those, as long as they are being careful and safe. I don’t understand people that go out drinking all the time. I don’t understand people that feel the need to go out all night dancing at a club popping pills and drinking. Some readers may be thinking, “Do you even know someone that does any of this?” I do. My ex boyfriend was absolutely that type of person. If he had been able, I know he would have done everything I mentioned. I know many, many others that do currently do all of that.

I get uncomfortable when people are drinking around me. The last year, I went back to my old self. I went back to being innocent, proudly, and damn fucking proud of the good person I am. When I was with my ex, I drastically changed. He opened me up, but not by my own choice. I realize that now.

But in the process of all of this, I realized how damn hard it is to make friends. I don’t take classes at my actual school if I can help it. I stay away from places where people my age hang out. I do theatre because, more than often, people are smart and dedicated to what they do. I do know theatre people that go drinking, but I tend to avoid them. They are the people that make me really fucking shy and nervous.

In the last week, I made three really amazing friends. Over anything, they are just absolutely amazing people. They’re really smart. They’re really funny. They’re really kind. More than anything, they’re loving and supportive. It makes me happy to have them around. Actually, no, it makes me PROUD to call them my friends.

It’s hard. It’s really hard to make friends.

Overall, it’s crazy hard for me to open myself to new friends. I’ve never had the friends that were like, “Hey, wanna go to Subway with us?” Or, “Hey, come sit by me!” I’m always the one trying to do that. And I’m the one that’s always looked at like, “Nah, I’d rather chill here. I’m good.” These three people are so positive. They’re happy. And one of them is Jewish. :) This is worth mentioning because I’m looking to converting to Judaism and she’s been more than helpful to me. I really adore her more than anyone around the theatre.

She’s the one that invited me to go to lunch on our break at rehearsal for subUrbia today. Then, after, she and her other friend, who’s my mutual friend, invited me to go out again after. She’s always looking out for me, helping me, making me smile and making me feel so loved. The thing that made me most happy was when she gave me a nickname.

At improv last week, she and our mutual friend gave each other nicknames and she was “Lisa, the other girl’s lesbian bitch.” Mutual friend didn’t have a nickname, though she was the head bitch, and, today, my Jewish friend gave us both nicknames. I’m Velma and other girl is Brooke. XD It makes me smile, in all honesty. It was fun, funny and made us closer. We’re kind of a trio at rehearsal now. If anything, she and I are definitely a duo. We call each other, “New Best Friend.”

Gah. It’s just weird to have attention from someone. I feel like a wonderful person, thanks to her. :)

Filed under: Beliefs, Friends, Theatre

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